The early years of my marriage were difficult but wonderfully blessed times of learning and growing together with the woman than I have come to value more than any other through the passing years. Moving together to a new city a thousand miles from home, and as far as we were concerned a city that was a thousand miles from nowhere. Two long winters of zero to fifty below, and ten foot snow drifts. Two first winters of marriage filled with board games together on Sunday afternoons during the worst of the winter weather. Two first years of marriage filled with "make or break' moments that we somehow managed to emerge from in one piece as well as on the "still married" side. Years spent together raising young children who couldn't understand why we bought "store brand" cereal and ate scrambled eggs for dinner. Days with sick children, two jobs, barely making ends meet and little time for each other. Difficult times for sure, but times that remain with grace and beauty in my memory, and that I treasure in my heart still today.
Fast forward a few years and listen in on the conversation...
"Suzanne."
"Yes."
"Robert just asked me to take over a store in Austin."
"What!"
"We are opening a new store in Austin, and Robert wants me to take care of it.
"John, we've had just over a year back in Dallas! The kids are just now beginning to readjust."
"I know, but it's a great opportunity and you know how bored and restless I get when things begin to become routine."
The preceding conversation was one of many of this nature that Suzanne and I have had over the years. We lost count (excuse me, I lost count) of the number of times that we have uprooted our family to move. I have made friends in so many different places that my children expected us to meet someone that I knew no matter where we were at the time.
My personality has always driven me to jump now and grab a rope or a rock or a branch on the way down. Jump the dirt bike over the creek and figure out how I will land when I reach the other side. Instead of ready, aim, fire I am fire and see what happens. We have since discovered that I am ADHD, which explains some things but does nothing to soften the blows of my behavior.
Suzanne on the other hand has always been ready, aim, aim again, readjust your sights, aim again, study what might happen after you fire, then fire.
God bless her sweet and caring soul! There are times that I wonder how she has survived me!
How have two so dramatically different individuals managed to have a thirty two year relationship that that has only grown, prospered and deepened since the day we met?
Well...
I would like to say that we did some very specific things and give you a five step plan for a happy marriage. Nope - can't do it. The only reason that we are together is because God ordered it and we recognized it. But for one digit in a phone number, Suzanne and I would never have met (that's a story for another time). God is the only answer. God in spite of us. There are many stories that we could share regarding our marriage, but the bottom line is that God was at the center from the beginning. We stumbled all over ourselves, but somehow (read God) remained attached. As with many of you, Suzanne and I have suffered some heavy blows over the years. We came dangerously close to splitting when my daughter Kelsey died. More so than at any other time in our marriage. We have much to share about that with others who are travelling the same road. Stick around...there's more to the story...
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Science and God
"Poets say science takes away from the beauty of the stars - mere blobs of gas atoms. Nothing is "mere". I too can see the stars on a desert night, and feel them. But do I see less or more? The vastness of the heavens stretches my imagination - stuck on this carousel my little eye can catch one-million-year-old light. A vast pattern - of which I am a part... what is the pattern or the meaning or the why? It does not do harm to the mystery to know a little more about it."
Physicist Richard Feynman - Known for his work in path integral formulation of quantum mechanics, the theory of quantum electrodynamics and the physics of superfluidity of supercooled liquid helium, as well as in particle physics (he proposed the parton model), and the behavior of subatomic particles, which later became known as the Feynman diagrams. He is ranked as one of the ten greatest physicists of all time. Taken from Wikipedia
Feynman was one of the most renowned physicist of our time. He understood the science behind the universe as well as any man and infinitely better than most. As represented by the quote above, he also understood the limitations of his knowledge. He recognized the mystery behind the science, but what attributes he assigned to the mystery if any at all, I do not know.
Question to ponder: Does the continual acquisition of scientific knowledge of the universe damage or strengthen our faith in an all powerful creator?
Physicist Richard Feynman - Known for his work in path integral formulation of quantum mechanics, the theory of quantum electrodynamics and the physics of superfluidity of supercooled liquid helium, as well as in particle physics (he proposed the parton model), and the behavior of subatomic particles, which later became known as the Feynman diagrams. He is ranked as one of the ten greatest physicists of all time. Taken from Wikipedia
Feynman was one of the most renowned physicist of our time. He understood the science behind the universe as well as any man and infinitely better than most. As represented by the quote above, he also understood the limitations of his knowledge. He recognized the mystery behind the science, but what attributes he assigned to the mystery if any at all, I do not know.
Question to ponder: Does the continual acquisition of scientific knowledge of the universe damage or strengthen our faith in an all powerful creator?
Friday, January 13, 2012
A Conversation with God
Father you know I've been praying hard, real hard. And lots of other people have been praying too. Surely you've heard us. Maybe we could talk louder. Maybe we only think we're praying hard. That's probably it. We just need to put more energy into our prayers.
Uh oh!
I'm getting the feeling that you’re becoming a little impatient with me Lord. There's a little voice that's beginning to increase in volume. Now I'm beginning to sweat!
What was that?
Sometimes John, what you want is not what you need and believe it or not, to your good fortune I have to step in. Even when I know that giving you what you need is going to knock you to your knees. Believe me it hurts me more than I can possibly have you understand when I feel that I must handle something this way. You know that every tear you've cried over Kelsey has fallen right into my hand. I haven't missed a single one and every one of your tears has brought a tear to my own eye. And since when did you start speaking for either God or Kelsey? How do you know what she and I have or haven't discussed during her illness? Why do you think you know more about what both you and Kelsey need than I do? Remember your place, and especially remember mine. I created Kelsey. I had a plan for her long before she ever came to you. Have you forgotten what you told me the night she was born? Don't you remember how happy you were that I did not take either Kelsey or Suzanne that night, even though they were both so close to coming home to me? Believe me it could have gone either way that night.
I listened to you then because it was what you needed at the time. You needed desperately for Kelsey and Suzanne to survive and stay with you. I made it happen. Once again though, I'm asking if you remember what you said to me that night; No? Well let me remind you. You said that I had given you a chance to see Kelsey and that if I decided to take her that night you would rejoice at having known her. You do remember don't you? Well, what if I now decide it's time to take her fourteen years later? What has changed since then?
Lord, please forgive me, but a great deal has changed. I don't want to be disrespectful, but I have had all these years to grow in my love for Kelsey. You let me continue to know her and watch her grow and love her more each year she has been with us. How horribly cruel to allow that and then snatch her away!
My point exactly John, I could have taken Kelsey that night; very few expected her to survive, and Suzanne had lost so much blood...well, I'm sure you remember. Remember also John, that my gift to you has been having the opportunity to love Kelsey for all these years. Would you have had me not give you that opportunity? You can't have it both ways and you don't always get what you want - not in this life anyway.You do remember my son don't you? Believe me, you did not have to stand by and watch Kelsey beaten to a bloody pulp, hung on a cross, ridiculed and spit on only to have her think, if only for a second, that you had abandoned her. John, I love your daughter Kelsey dearly. She is so joyful now, so alive, and so thankful for being here. She was ready. She knew it and I knew it. That’s why she was smiling when she left you.
John, Kelsey’s work there is done but yours must continue for now. It’s a veil John, just a thin veil that separates you from Kelsey and before long the veil will be lifted.
Thank you Father. No more questions.
Kelsey, we’re coming baby.
Until then we will choose to cherish those we love in this world just as you did.
See you shortly!
Uh oh!
I'm getting the feeling that you’re becoming a little impatient with me Lord. There's a little voice that's beginning to increase in volume. Now I'm beginning to sweat!
What was that?
Sometimes John, what you want is not what you need and believe it or not, to your good fortune I have to step in. Even when I know that giving you what you need is going to knock you to your knees. Believe me it hurts me more than I can possibly have you understand when I feel that I must handle something this way. You know that every tear you've cried over Kelsey has fallen right into my hand. I haven't missed a single one and every one of your tears has brought a tear to my own eye. And since when did you start speaking for either God or Kelsey? How do you know what she and I have or haven't discussed during her illness? Why do you think you know more about what both you and Kelsey need than I do? Remember your place, and especially remember mine. I created Kelsey. I had a plan for her long before she ever came to you. Have you forgotten what you told me the night she was born? Don't you remember how happy you were that I did not take either Kelsey or Suzanne that night, even though they were both so close to coming home to me? Believe me it could have gone either way that night.
I listened to you then because it was what you needed at the time. You needed desperately for Kelsey and Suzanne to survive and stay with you. I made it happen. Once again though, I'm asking if you remember what you said to me that night; No? Well let me remind you. You said that I had given you a chance to see Kelsey and that if I decided to take her that night you would rejoice at having known her. You do remember don't you? Well, what if I now decide it's time to take her fourteen years later? What has changed since then?
Lord, please forgive me, but a great deal has changed. I don't want to be disrespectful, but I have had all these years to grow in my love for Kelsey. You let me continue to know her and watch her grow and love her more each year she has been with us. How horribly cruel to allow that and then snatch her away!
My point exactly John, I could have taken Kelsey that night; very few expected her to survive, and Suzanne had lost so much blood...well, I'm sure you remember. Remember also John, that my gift to you has been having the opportunity to love Kelsey for all these years. Would you have had me not give you that opportunity? You can't have it both ways and you don't always get what you want - not in this life anyway.You do remember my son don't you? Believe me, you did not have to stand by and watch Kelsey beaten to a bloody pulp, hung on a cross, ridiculed and spit on only to have her think, if only for a second, that you had abandoned her. John, I love your daughter Kelsey dearly. She is so joyful now, so alive, and so thankful for being here. She was ready. She knew it and I knew it. That’s why she was smiling when she left you.
John, Kelsey’s work there is done but yours must continue for now. It’s a veil John, just a thin veil that separates you from Kelsey and before long the veil will be lifted.
Thank you Father. No more questions.
Kelsey, we’re coming baby.
Until then we will choose to cherish those we love in this world just as you did.
See you shortly!
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